Have you ever been on a schoolbus? Well, for a large number of American children bewteen ages 5 to 17, the answer is "yes." Recent studies show that schoolbuses, due to untuned shocks and rattling components, may drop kids' IQ by over 15 points. In the United States, this is starting to become a big problem. Our K-12 test averages are over 20% lower than the ones of British students, who, sometimes, are reported to ride talking donkeys to school. These donkeys are specially trained to help the children study for tests and quizzes, and finish up homework they may have forgotten to do the previous night because they had a life *cough*. These donkeys may range from $67,000 to $240,000 (converted to US $), but since the stereotype these days (which we're going to follow) is that all British people are rich bastards with an IQ of 3,000, affording these specially trained donkeys is a sinch.

This Friday, I interviewed educational analyst Ihaet Shildrun, who commented on the following: "I think American kida are dumb cause out public schools suck. In Russia, where I come from, our public schools are 5x smaller than yours, and spend over $35,000 less per year per 10 students. [Hysterical laugh] Oh man, you guys were like, hit by the retarded bus....AHAHAH! No but seriously, your school suck."

Ihaet was promptly fired from The Retired Firefighter and Waitress Program for Educational Analysts.