Trash, however wondrous and orgasmic it may seem, is just plain dirty. Lately, many Los Angeles residents have been spotted licking trash for money, and littering because they're too lazy to find a Republican. Er, a trash can. You may think you're "cool" by being "bad" and "naughty" with your "friends" and your dirty "litter," but the fact is that you're just being bad people. If you're in doubt, here's an example:

Please, don't doubt this chart. It was generated by the experts at Staples (That was easy!)

Oh, and stop littering or the homeless will kill all humans on Earth. Seriously. Stop it.