SkamiCo (NYSE: SKAM) has released a new technology that prevents their products from going near products made by other companies. SkamiTensils, a subdivision of SkamiCo, makes virtually every utensil you can imagine, with the exception of serving spoons. Surveys show that 90% of families all over the Earth use SkamiTensils for eating. Out of those people, 77% of them use serving spoons. This means that 69.3% of the world's population (assuming all of these people buy new SkamiTensils) will no longer be able to use serving spoons within 20ft. of any of their SkamiTensils.

For comsumers, this may not be a problem. One man said, "We'll just switch to serving forks, oruse a large Skami-spoon." Many people agree with this man's statements, and have no problem getting rid of their serving spoons.

This matter, however, has severely affected Swedish company NYKEA. The owner of the company, Schazinjertux Vequosintongadingle, had the following to say: "It has only been two weeks since SkamiTensils' new product releases, and our profits have dropped by over 70%! We need to create some type of deal with them to--" In the middle of our interview, Mr. Vequosintongadingle was knocked unconcious by a falling box of serving spoons.

Here's the bottom line: You're better off just not buying SkamiTensils. The name of the company sounds suspiciously like "scammy," so they're not ones to be trusted. In addition, here at Erazats News, we believe in serving spoons more that we believe in God. Every time a serving spoon is thown away, a puppie falls down a long flight of stairs into a coma. Please, think of the puppies.