Today, a Cheese Curls representative held a press conference about the new chemical that has been added to Cheese Curls. He said the following: "This new formula is designed to increase the snack's appeal, as well as reduce fatty contents in it." He says that profits are expected to hit the roof in the coming months. The only disadvantage in this new chemical is that it causes a deadly reaction in people with names starting with the letter "B." The reason for this reaction is not known, but scientists do know that the Curls can give godlike powers to people whose names start with the prefix "Pgx". The new Curls will be in stores two weeks from the date of this post, so if your name starts with B you better stock up on the old ones while they last!

In fact, over the past two days, huge riots have broken out in several supermarkets over the fact that the soon to be out of date curls were out of stock. In one case, the amount of people was so large that the floor collapsed and they all fell below ground. It took rescue teams thirteen hours and many forklifts to get everyone out safely. A homeless bystander had this to say: "Oh man, they peoples was fat!"

Oh, right, here's a reminder for all of our readers: Don't eat a banana if it has brown spots. I almost threw up all over an old lady yesterday because I ate a browning banana.

(Sorry for the lack of good content. Come on, it's 10PM, I'm freakin tired. Good stuff tomorrow <3)